Coffee Break - The Beginning

Coffee Break

"The Beginning"

I don't want to bore you or weary you with the physical details that I have been going through, but I feel I need to give you some background that will help you understand the things that I will be sharing with you over the next weeks.  Please forgive me for being so lengthy.  

One day I was in my office at home. I leant over the side of the chair to reach something on the floor.  It turns out that was not a smart idea. The farther I leaned the more pressure I put on my ribs against the chair arm.  The chair arm didn’t give, but something in my ribs did. I felt a terrible pain.  I didn’t know what I had done.  Had I fractured a rib?  Had I only bruised it?  It only hurt when I would touch it.  I didn’t go to the doctor—after all, they wouldn’t have done anything even if it was broken and I had no difficulty breathing so I just left it alone. I was lying in bed one night, almost a week later, and it felt like the pain traveled from the right side of my rib cage to the left side.  The next day my back started hurting and the ribs completely quit hurting. Let me skip ahead to the next week.  The following Tuesday morning when I woke up, I almost fainted getting out of bed. I could not put my left leg on the floor.  The pain was horrible.  I woke my husband and told him to take me to the ER.  (He knew it was bad because I never ask for medical help.)  When I finally saw a doctor, he asked me the question they always ask—“on a scale from one to ten how bad is your pain?”  Without hesitation I said, “FIFITY!!!”  Mind you, I have been blessed with a very high pain tolerance.  The ER doctor set me up for an MRI on Thursday. To make a long story short, the MRI showed I had a bulging disc at L3 and it was pressing the nerves between L3 and L4.  (Turns out it wasn't just bulged, I had blown part of the disc out.)

When I first felt the back pain, I knew something bad was going on.  I could not walk, sit, stand or crawl.  I laid on the couch for five weeks day and night crying in pain and trying to keep my focus on the Lord.  I texted my pastor, friends, family, prayer warriors, the intercessors in my prayer group asking them to pray for me and pray that I wouldn’t need surgery.  I was praying every prayer I knew to pray, confessing every scripture on healing, even listening to a download I had on my phone of nothing but healing scriptures. Watching faith preachers on television. I knew I was healed already because of what Jesus did at the cross through His shed blood.  Healing is part of my covenant. And actually, six years earlier I had done another stupid thing and wound up bulging five discs.  My doctor wanted to do surgery, but I didn't. Five months later the discs were back in place. The Lord healed me then so I expected the same this time.  
 
The day after the MRI I was to see my primary care doctor. Before I was to see him the next day, I had gotten to the point where even lying down, which was all I could do, was beginning to get difficult. I laid there crying out to the Lord for His help.  Remember I had prayed, and had everyone else praying for no surgery.  As I cried out to the Lord praying that He would touch me and give me a miracle and the healing that was already mine, deep in my spirit I heard that still small voice that I have heard on many occasions.  I knew the answer I needed was not the one I wanted.  I felt as though the Lord was telling me that His plan was for me to go the surgical route.  One of the things He said to me was, “My will is not always your will.  You no longer belong to yourself, you belong to Me.  I bought you with the price of the shed blood of My Son.  Your life is mine to do whatever I desire to do with it.” At that moment I had the option to surrender to His plan, though it was not mine, or rebel and demand my own way, after all, He has given us the free will to choose. Through the pain and tears I said, “Lord, I surrender.  I surrender to whatever Your will is.  I don’t understand because I know that I am healed, but I trust You.”  
 
I said all that to say this-- is there something the Lord has spoken to you about and you need to surrender to His will and plan and abandon yours?  Surgery was not what I wanted, but I wanted His will more.  To obey is better than sacrifice.  Surrender to Him. Trust Him even if you don't understand it.  You don't have to understand to trust.  Trust has nothing to do with understanding.  Trust equals faith.  The truth is, you may never understand His plan but you can trust it.... because you can trust Him.
 
Have a great day.  Surrender to the Lord 's will and plan.  Lay yours aside.  Trust Him.  He knows what He is doing.  He knows what He is has planned for your life... His plan is always better.